Tiny Tots

It's been a while - quite a long while, but I've just been reading the Navy News.

Or maybe I should call it, "The Ever Shrinking, Not-Quite-What-You'd-Call-A-Full-Squadron-That-Has-Lost-It's-Vital-Air-Defence-Capability News".

Of course, it isn't Pusser's fault (for once). If Jack (and for Jack please read Jenny, even if it's not completely accurate nor politically correct in this arsy-versy world of ours) had anything to do with it, we'd double-up tomorrow and surround theses islands with a ring of - um - aluminium, various secret compounds and GRP within a twelvemonth.

I'll give the Navy News it's due. Even with fewer vessels than you might find on the average duck-pond to talk about, it still manages to whip up a storm of enthusiasm for our brave boys and girls in navy blue (read girls and boys if you find that configuration more pallatable), so well done NN.

But I'm only up to page 16 of the rather jerky on-line version, and already I've read about the de-commissioning of five major warships, of which only one has reached the end of her natural.

I also started reading about a British Admiral agreeing with a French Admiral, but I wasn't in the mood for Mills-and-Boon fiction so I skipped on.

And then a small headline caught my eye. It asked whether the RN is shrinking. Apart from wondering whether the writer was short of the odd sandwich, perhaps a bit out of touch with his/her own newspaper, I thought the article might be good for a nice old-fashioned, jack-style rant. You know, the sort of old rubbish I write here.

But no. It was an article about talking dolls. Oh yes. Talking Bootie dolls, talking Pongo dolls (obviously not a true representation) and talking Crab dolls. Sorry, that's Crab dolls with Crab Dog dolls. Oh yes. Presumably the talking Crab dog doll woofs, although I wonder who will be able to tell the difference.

Apparently, some bright spark has recorded the voices of real servicemen (I can use "men" here in it's traditional form, as all the dolls are male. Although I'm not certain about the dog). I wonder how long it took to edit out all the expletives.  Oh, sorry, this is the 21st century, isn't it? Servicemen don't swear any more.

Pah!

The ad - sorry - article is careful not to use the trade name of the world's most famous military ACTION figure, as am I, but apparently, if you've still got one, you can change it's clothes with Corporal Chatterbox, or whatever they are calling it. Who could resist?

By the way Navy News, I just LOVE the reference to ten inches of Royal Marine. Glad to see that someone can still find something to laugh about in the Service. Nice one. 

I see that the Bootie and the others need batteries to make them work. Nothing changes, eh? Hope there's somewhere appropriate to shove 'em.

And just when you thought it was safe to let go of your aching ribs, there is, apparently, a range of not-Lego figures being launched too, with accessories to follow. Yes, Jack, Crab, Pongo and Bootie, all with U-shaped hands and detachable heads - and Bootie is all camoed up as well. At least, I THINK that's camo.

Well. Chuckle my wobbly bits.

But hoot that they may be, they're huge fun, and who can blame the manufacturers for responding to current trends? And to be honest, unlike the Services which they portray, the only thing these figures will gain from being a success will be more and better kit and a massively increased budget.

Increased budget? Oh well, they can't be that realistic then can they?